I can’t swim
so I know to stay away from pools and rivers
or if ever I decide to venture
I wet my feet first (don’t judge)
slowly sink in by the edge
have something floatable around me
all this while ensuring I’m in the gaze of the lifeguard

Life is a river I was pushed into
You’d think after initially floating around for nine months
I would get the hang of it
but I still find myself flailing
no one tells you exactly how to swim
but expect you to flawlessly stroke forward
What if I’m aquaphobic?

You’re immediately pulled in by the strong currents and trends
water gets into your nostrils
because, really, everyone else is flapping recklessly
yet, when I cough out and struggle for air,
eyes red from all the chaos, I’m the villain
Everyone else is struggling.
Why are you special?

There is no lifeguard,
or if there is, He feels far away
I feel myself sinking further with each struggle
I want to breathe but all I inhale is water
I stop trying and I quite ironically begin to float
I find accidentally, some relief in the arms of resigned self-sufficiency.
I just might survive if I stopped looking for salvation
in others who are struggling too.

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