Emotions

When I think of emotions,
I imagine a switch.
I imagine that love is a lightbulb
in the room of my heart
and I am comfortable in the dark.
My eyes are dark adapted
and my body has gotten used
to the inescapable collision of darkness.

I imagine that, like any object in the dark
All my loves have tried to look at me
but inevitably looked over to the next bright thing,
I must be really invisible
and so, when I said hi
You had to squint
and squeeze your eyes to see me
because all the light around me
was sucked in by the black hole of my heart.
Must be why you never said hey too.
You couldn’t see me.

I imagine that, whenever you smile upon me
It doesn’t matter how far into the corner I sink
Or how much glue I have applied
to keep the switch off
or how comfortable I’ve become in the darkness,
Light comes.
Inescapable, consuming, it comes and it fills me entirely
Until you take your smile off me
and I’m left
in the
darkness
again.
alone.