Not me, but the only difference is I’m a guy.

Live it, Love it, that’s GoTv’ tagline…

Everywhere was silent, what else would one expect in a hood as unsafe as mine at 3:00 am. Pain seethes in my back, my body is in a state of unrest, my butt is on fire, it’s like a thousand illegal immigrants are trying to pass through simultaneously. I was sleeping but now my eyes are open, after getting the horrible feel of my body for some seconds, I jumped up, scurried to the door, opened it, dashed out like that guy does in temple run, picked up a bucket of water that had been revelling in the cold of the outside as I found my way to the toilet, I swear if that toilet was a cafe and the time I bought was 30minutes, I sure left at least 25minutes unused, I was out of there in no time feeling eased enough for a good sleep but that was a wrong feeling like the one you get of a bad person who wears a good charade almost perfectly.


I performed same proccess like thrice, it literally turned a routine before dawn and at the first break of light into the room I did it again, chai! now I’ll have to fetch water soon again, carrying those 20L kegs through that distance ain’t no easy task but I prefer the pains of doing so to the pains this persistent purge is giving me.

I went about my normal daily morning routing at first that day like I had everything under control, I needed to get about them fast enough to get going to church, but in the midst of it all, once again my “dear” purge showed me it still had the upper hand, I eventually finished the short line of chores, got me a bath, after having brushed my teeth, and then I started getting my outfit on, I felt Sir. Purge waging a war again, shit! I’m not giving in this time I said, I gave my counter-attacks deep inside of me as I proceeded to knotting my tie, picked up my bag, and outside I was, in a nutshell, as I was about locking the door, I couldn’t go on with the war any more, I literally ran back in, loosened my tie like a raving psycopath and donned off every bit of my clothing, when I got back into the room, I was wearing the look of a sore looser (ofcourse I just lost the purge war) but this time I dressed up faster, fearing its coming, and I went on my way to church.

I wish I had this.

I was late for church already, church was so far from my hood back then and I had to trekk it alone, not even half-way to church, yet again, Sir. Purge came giving me a fight, I smiled at first, the pains I felt were excruciating, I’m not that type that can just walk up to a house and plead for the use of their toilet, So I resorted to something.

The feeling was like I was going to die if I didn’t get the comfort of a toilet soon and fast, feeling battered, out of strength and loosing my breath, I gave up. I didn’t slump, I simply started saying my “Last Prayers” in my mind and it all came sprouting in my memory, the evils that men do, and I started begging for forgiveness, told God I’m deeply sorry, Lord I know I’m coming, if only you’d please pardon as your word said you’d always do when sincerely asked, forgive me oh Lord, accept my soul, have mercy, let me have even if it’s just a hostel space in Heaven. I repeatedly shouted those prayers in my mind as I dragged my “soon to give up body” or so I thought towards church and as I approached church, I said in a hushed tone: God! I’m still alive, I heard Heaven is sure for a human that dies in the church ‘God please, I’m not trying to plead you keep me alive for a long time, just help me get into that church Lord, help me die in your sanctuary’ I pleaded.

I got in, sat down upon prior direction from the usher whom I gave a countenance of “chai! So this is the last time I’ll see you” well apparently it wasn’t, I eventually made it, and at around 1:pm, the first meal I’d take was at my big sis’ abode, she wasn’t around, I dished my plate an excess of rice, flattered it with stew and complimented it with a commendable piece of fish, then I gently walked downstair, bought a 7up drink with which I drowned the meal, when every other person eventually arrived that day, I was just silent, the kept asking what’s wrong but I couldn’t start telling a tale, life is but nothing in some large way, too short for a bit of it to be spent on things that don’t have weight and occupy space, have fun, be witty, live it, love it, I took my buddie’ food the other day and I purged again but not this much, he had cooked the concoction rice with two maggi, God! , by the way, it was my bestie’ cousin marriage jollof mixed with my beans that nearly cost me my life.

#iSurvived The Purge
#Grateful To God
Cirphrank Scribes

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  • BrendasCouch.com
    Posted October 10, 2016 at 12:54 pm 0Likes

    Lol @#isurvivedthepurge… It happens to everyone at one point or the other.. The sweats that comes out even when in a room with ac working. The shaking of the legs when you finally get to a rest room. The ''fastness of your steps if you are returning from school''..

    Its not fun at all but when everything is settled and taken a cold bath, you start laughing at the whole process.


  • Cirphrank iWrite
    Posted October 10, 2016 at 1:46 pm 0Likes

    Lol, it's apparent you are a victim turned Victor, may we always win the war!!!😹

    Thanks for dropping by.

  • Funke Olotu
    Posted October 13, 2016 at 9:54 pm 0Likes

    This post is unexpectedly funny, I don't even want to narrate my experience(s)


  • Cirphrank iWrite
    Posted October 13, 2016 at 10:17 pm 0Likes

    Lol, are you shy? C'mon let's read it.

    Thanks for the comment.

    Wait! Experiences???🙈
    Abeg yarn us…

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