The next day, I still couldn’t stand up from my bed, Lami told me that some classes were climaxing but that was not my concern, I was yet to cover half of the semester syllabus and I had this theory up my head that made me conclude I was going to be sick for two weeks.

At about 1pm, I lost consciousness of the environment. I remember Lami asking if I would be able to stand up and I remember how the room seemed to be darker than it seemed. I remember that Adekunle Gold’s Sade was playing on the sound system and yawk! The next time I opened my eyes, I was on a familiar thing – the hospital bed  – which I was used to, only that when I woke up, it was not the house maid or my Mum that was seated beside me, Miriam and Lami were.

“Don’t you ever panic me like that again fool, I will punch you to death!!…” Lami screamed the moment she saw my eyes opened.

She gave me my glasses and told me how I was taken to the School’s health centre and how they referred me to UBTH. She told me how she wanted to answer the questions they asked her so badly but had no idea what was happening to me and she promised to punch me to my death if I ever frighten her like I did. Miriam just sat down there watching Lami and I insult ourselves. She left few minutes after a short prayer – well, she said a short prayer but it lasted for 10minutes.

Immediately Miriam left, I asked how she got to know I was in the Hospital and she told me how she got home in the morning to see countless missed calls from Miriam and my Mum.

“Oh! Your Mum, she should be in Benin any moment from now,” she said as he stepped out to go call a doctor.

My Mum arrived an hour later, she had to wait till visiting hours before she could see me and I swear I wanted to leave that hospital bed but the student Doctor that was checking up on me was probably in love with me because she sedated me and Lami even told me that she insisted I be given injection on my cute butt.

“You didn’t see my butt did you?” I asked her earlier and the ‘phool’ answered: “Dude, unconscious people don’t wear clean clothes do they?”… PATHETIC right?

Did she just say she saw me naked? Arrgghh

Anyways, Mum finally gained access to me and I kept on wondering what she and Lami were discussing while I was alone with my lover Doctor. Mum can be very mischievous, she would do anything she ‘think’ is best for me without seeking my consent and with the way Lami was all smiling, I knew something funny that wouldn’t be funny to me had happened.

Few Minutes later, Miriam came in with a food flask. The drugs were taking their toll on me so I couldn’t really talk. But Mum was there to welcome her, allow me put their conversation in writing…

Miriam : Good evening Ma’m (mind you, there were 3beds in that room, 3 patients too)

Mum : Evening beautiful, how are you? (she prolly thought she was a nurse)

Miriam : Are you Bala’s M… Of course you are, that smile couldn’t be far-fetched (she was looking at me and I wished I could disappear… and her hands were behind her… and she was smiling…)

After their inevitable introduction, Mum had to go meet the doctor, leaving me under the care of Miriam.

“Hi Mamah Myrrh!” I said with all intention to be loud but I guess my voice didn’t like disturbing sleeping patients.

“Your Mum is beautiful and young!”

“How else do you think I am this handsome? What you cook? Someone’s coccus Irish retina?”

“That so didn’t make sense Bala, a girl could use a little bit of you getting smart for once” she waited for Mum to return before she opened the food flask. It was something that nobody has probably tasted before.

“Grandma used to make it for my junior brother whenever he was sick,” she said as my face and Mum’s obviously read “What is this?”

I wanted to ask her if her brother still gets sick but mum engaged her in some girly talks and when she was about leaving, I knew Mum would simply do something that was going to piss me off if I didn’t say something. She had this idea that every good deed is done for a reward so she was going to either give her money or get her phone number, and she did collect her phone number.

“You didn’t tell me you had such beautiful ladies as friends, no wonder you hardly call these days,” something was different about Mum, something that was so obvious that even a blind man would notice, but I chose to be worse than a blind man. And one more thing, I don’t call  her, she does the calling.

The next day, I left the hospital – yeah! Just two days – to my Grandpa’s ancient house at Oluku. I noticed a somewhat new Mercedes Benz C350 4matic parked in the compound. Mum couldn’t have travelled to Benin by road, and even if she did, definitely not in a car without plate number. She was a fan of Range Rovers; I on the other worshiped Mercedes Benz. I told Mum that incase I die before her, that I be carried on a Mercedes G-Wagon Brabus and be worn the Aba made suit grandpa got me the week before he died.

When I asked who owned the car, she said she got it for a friend who would come or it soon. Last time I checked, Mum had no freaking friends; truth is everybody in her life referred to her as a friend but to her, they were all around her because of her wealth, and yes her former Husband had a role to play in all these.


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