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I have had people tell me how lucky I am; Bala you are so lucky, you don’t have to work for anybody, you are an only child and your Mum inherited billions of naira bleh! bleh!! bleh!!! Sometimes I wish I could trade all these things to have what normal people have, and by normal people I mean people who mind their own business.

Your first contact with me would give you the impression that I am a normal kid, with the body of a Keyan marathon legends, a 5.9ft in height, long hands and a three years worth of constant cautiousness of the way I walked and damn my glasses… ok! Lemme stop.

Of course I did what normal people would do, eat, bath, crush on girls, cry et al, but talk about being abnormal? I think I am the only person in Lagos state that needed no Patient card to enter Ikeja General Hospital. Money does not buy health and hell money cannot buy a good home. At 16 I was already a billionaire by inheritance – only on books – but damn right I couldn’t buy health.

When I told Mum that I was going to resume school in Benin to study my dreamed course, she couldn’t object because it was her Mother’s dying wish that I be let alone to do whatever I wanted to do. You might think Grandma is one super woman but seriously, she made sure I didn’t travel out of the country to study because she thought all I needed to survive was in Nigeria. Don’t get the craps above wrong, I am not trying to make you think I am one super rich dude – yeah! – I was a guru in Forex Trading and I could program in any Language; I was also somewhat black hat hacker… if you know what I mean, then you know I needed no parent’s funding; even though I was living on it. I wanted to be known as Balarabe and not the son of a Woman who is a daughter of a billionaire.

Mum insisted I stayed in one of the houses her Dad built in Oluku, a few minutes’ drive from Ugbowo where University Of Benin’s main campus is; I think I disobeyed and rented an apartment just opposite the UNIBEN maingate (BDPA) – Yeah! I think. However, I was yet to move in so constant shuttle between my Grandpa’s somewhat ancient building and school was the norms.

She called every single night to make sure I took my medications, each call ended with the reminder that I was the only Man in her Life and how she loves me. Funny she realized all these since the Man she once adored and allowed to control and put my childhood in a miserable state ditched her for another Woman. Nah! I think I should stop telling you so much about my Family. I really don’t like remembering how my Dad ruined me – Sorry! How my “Sperm Donor” ruined me… and I hate blaming Mum so if I continue, I might even blame the Man for writing this memoirs.

It was on a Monday, I spent the previous day putting things in order in my New Room and I must say I sucked in putting a room in order, I didn’t know where to place the mattress which was way too big and I had no idea what colour to paint the walls.

While I pondered, a supposed neighbor who on my first sight was a sight to behold came into my room with a smiley face that could give that guy called “Smiley” a run for his money.

“You are the guy aren’t you?” she asked. “Ummm… What Guy?” I asked.

“The Guy that got the whole class talking last week” she replied trying to hold her hands firm like she was holding something, a living creature. “Is that a Dog?” I asked, definitely trying to digress.

Flash news! I have a classmate as a neighbor and she has a German shepherd as a pet.

Cut the long story short, I ended up suggesting she take a course in decorations because her touch was perfect, my room was fit for a king. When I asked how much she would charge, she stretched her right hand and said “Lami” I hated when people tell me short names on first meeting, so in reply, I said; “Bal,” She laughed and said “Olamide Stinson.”

“Balarabe Jang,” I said. Jang was grandpa’s name; I dropped my dad’s name when I clocked 17.

Lami invited me for dinner and she officially became my first friend in UNIBEN. Lami was somewhat a teenager who was still growing, I could guess she was my age mate but she was somebody that could turn heads with her endowment, her skin? Toned to perfection, an hourglass kind of body and her facial endowment? I lack words to describe… but she is short, I believe short is a compliment.

Classes were fun; each one had its own drama (every class was not a hit!), I was somewhat addicted to going late (I suck!) but with the assurance that Lami would keep a seat for me, right next to her. I liked sitting next to her, she was a fast writer so I was always following her notes and damn her Cologne was classic.

Some might say being 18 in 100Level was normal but to me, it got me depressed most nights. If my Dad had allowed me go for my first Love, I would have graduated from the University at 18 but hey! What more could I ask for? My Mum was mine and mine alone, even if she annoys me most times, all the time.

Lami introduced me to some of her friends who I seriously didn’t take the stress of memorizing their names and various departments; except for one Guy who voluntarily took Lami and three of her friends (including me) to BLUE MEADOWS for a treat – Elvis. It was obvious he did it to impress Lami and maybe ridicule me but I cared less, girls were never my problem. I watched Lami trying to balance the attention she paid to Elvis and I and it got me laughing.

Elvis was somewhat a Geology student who previously got admission to study Mathematics. He had this ‘I am not your age mate’ way of demeaning someone. He talked about scholarship and I told him I was not a fan. Then he went bull-crap with how I was going to regret it if I take the opportunity for granted. I was like: “Dude! I can sponsor you to Covenant University and back” – in my head though.

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